This may come as a shock to many of you, but I was married once. My marriage failed, it wasn’t anything either of us did, sometimes a union is dissolved by something as simple as “Marriage Failure”. Complications of the nuptials, it happens.
I have always been a rules boy, this has been true from the beginning and will remain true to the end. Lest we forget.
“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.” My ex-wife recited this incantation on the morning of our wedding and performed the physical ritual it describes. This protected our marriage on only a single front. Unfortunately my dear friends, marriage has two fronts, just like the Nazis in WWII. We must come up with an incantation combined with a physical ritual to protect us from the supernatural forces that constantly threaten to destroy marriage and the family. No, I’m not talking about homosexuals and feminists, I’m talking about the Russians! The Russians being a metaphor for Marriage Failure! Raise awareness!
Don’t even think about getting married before this is resolved. Here’s something I thought up that might do the trick, let me know what you think:
“Something wild, something round, something styled, something you found.”
I was thinking my Julius Caesar craft crown I found backstage in my high school drama class could count as all three. No, you can't borrow it.
Any other ideas?
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Brilliant. I've never thought much of marriage ... and I am of Russian decent. It all makes sense now. It's so clear. Thank you. Is the crown proven to work?? If so, I'll pay good money to borrow it.
ReplyDeletewild, round, styled & found... that explains at least 3 out of the last 10 guys i have been with... and well, didn't turn out so hot for me. perhaps its the gender bias. only works for men.
ReplyDeletelets see, it also describes:
-poofy mullets
-groundhogs (depending on the circumstances)
and of the upmost importance...
-this blog. wild (check), styled (the blue dolphin tiles), round (well rounded), found (many have).