Only true lovers can withstand the sands of deceit.

This is a message found on the beach in Atlantic City, the setting for many destroyed lives and men who wear denim shorts.  It was torn into bits, but I was able to salvage what I could and fill in the gaps.  Let us all learn from this.  Please read.

Now, the names were torn off, I used a pair of pseudonyms to identify the parties involved.  This boy obviously cheated on his sweetheart and she found out.  He is trying to win her back, I wish we could see how it all plays out, but since she tore up the note I'm guessing it didn't go well.  The lesson for Rules Boys is that you should never ever let your sweetheart find out you're cheating on her.  Remember this and you will live a full and productive life.

Let's Make a Deal

Dolphins and porpoises are mammals. They must come to the surface to breathe. Thus, some would say they are shallow, ocean dwelling creatures. I’m an orca (This ocra, in fact, dorsal fin and all) – I seal deals.

Deal Breakers - something that you absolutely cannot and should not look past. Deal breakers are a must. If you don’t know what you don’t want, you won’t realize you have what you don’t want before it’s too late to not get involved (quintuple negative). Therefore, it is vital that YOU establish your own deal breakers. I’ll share a few of mine … the list keeps on growing, my lungs are getting weaker and my blowhole smaller.

In no particular order:

1. The Frisbee – If you can’t successfully toss a Frisbee more than ten feet three times in a row, get lost. Men like coordinated women. I suggest you purchase a Frisbee and practice with a close friend. It’s all in the wrist … I’m told that’s important.

2. The V-Card – Ok, so most people don’t hold a full deck of cards, but I’m willing to share what cards I do hold. I’m honest about it. I’m not proud, but I’m not ashamed. Mating is natural and courtship is beautiful (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=727sx5cCxqA&feature=related). Detailed description is not needed. Just be honest and upfront. The sooner this topic is broached the better. Refusal to discuss and/or lies will break any deal.

3. Shoes – Ashley, if you ever read this, I’m sorry. Ashley showed up at my apartment with transparent heels. Lights flickered and flashed with each step. I walked her to her car and said goodnight. When it comes to shoes, do as Dr. Jones did, “Choose Wisely.”

Do you have deal breakers? Care to share ...

Face Time

Ok.  The only way you will ever get that special someone to notice you is through the strategic use of Face Time.  Face Time is a term often thrown around but rarely understood.  Here is the Rules Boy definition of Face Time:

Face time-- /power noun/ Time spent in somebody’s line of sight (face) with the intent of becoming attractive to him or her.

All you need to do is follow her until you reach a venue where it’s appropriate to take your shirt off.  Once you get there you start an impromptu game (this can be anything: football, basketball, Frisbee, etc.), the teams are shirts versus skins.  You are the captain of the skins.  You may find it helpful to write a large letter C on your bicep, shoulder, or pectoral beforehand, just so it’s clear.

The rest is easy boys.  Just play the game with the skills god gave you and she will never forget it.  

Please note, This is just one Rules Boy recipe for getting real quality Face Time.  Be creative and try your own ways, but you can't go wrong with this one.  Works 80% of the time.

Don’t forget to manscape beforehand.

John David Booty Called or Was it Jack?

I like action. Arnold, Sly, and Jack Bauer turn ME on. But that's a different kind of action ... I'm talking about a more delicate, rhythmic action – you know, the ins and outs of life. I like that action. Do you? Of course you do, it’s the dry season.

In times of drought, in long periods without rain or snow, in times when the lake beckons … pick up your phone and call or text. Who cares if it’s just for a little boo-tay? Whether it's John David Booty or Lauren Conrad, some action is better than no action. Jack Bauer, an expert on the matter, pretty much summed it up in Day 6 when he said:

“Not hard enough! You had the political power. Was the timing not right? Was it a little too complicated?”

Granted, Jack has a few more ties than most men, many of which are politicos, but every guy and girl out there has someone on the backburner. Don’t be afraid to call – just make your motive expressively clear.

I practice what I preach, or at least I try. So, stay tuned and I’ll report.

First Meats

Everybody, when you first meet somebody I don’t find it wise to immediately scheme to “get digits”. 

OMFG, this girl is so beautiful, I may never see her again, this could be my chance! This is do or die, time to separate the men from the boys! The world is yours.

You immediately want to thrust yourself into a date situation.  Doing so will only set strange expectations and result in an awkward, almost scripted get-to-know-you session. Don’t force anything. Be loosey goosey.  Maybe you’ll never see her again--how mysterious and sexy. This can only work in your favor. Maybe you do see her again because getting her number was the natural thing to do. Way to go tiger.