Visualize This

My baseball coach use to tell me to visualize the ball hitting the bat, the ball flying over the fence, and me running the bases. My coach was an idiot. I never hit one homerun in my entire career. I visualized homerun after homerun and rarely even got to 2nd base.

Let this be a lesson to all of you "players" out there. If all you do is dream about homeruns, you will be dissapointed when you hit for a single or double. Be happy that you got on base at all.

One time I just asked my date, "Wanna go on a walk?" She said yes. I then pitched four balls and intentionally walked her. That day I considered myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

A Monster Date

This was a tight poll. I personally thought that most of America would prefer SheMan over Peter Priesthood or a walking dead person. I was wrong. If there are 10 people in a room, take a look around, there are probably 4 that are dating zombies. If there are married people in the room, do not be afraid to ask them if their spouse is a zombie. Zombies walk among us everyday.

The question: I’d rather date a …

• Mormon
• Zombie
• Barack/Michelle
• Crossdressing Superhero

Again, there were 13 total votes. This is either lucky or unlucky. In closing, some quick advice to men – practice your best lurch, half-alive noises. Women love a man that can’t feel pain. Zombies are the best lovers ever.

Boolean Logic

Women are girls. Girls are kittens. Kittens are cute. Cute is a matter of opinion. Opinions can change. Change is good. Good is one letter short of God.

Thus, women are one letter short of God.

See how I did that just now? That was some good deductive reasoning. In order to find a sweet, foxy lady you must first find God and then add a letter. There you have it, a recipe for success. I wonder if there’s a Man Recipe …